-I thought about where my family was, Whether I would be to see them again, and wished that they were safe and not heartbroken about Junior and me.
Beah is going though so much at such a young age. He haves no idea where his family is or for that matter if there even alive. And the same goes for his family, This have to be the most hardest thing for him on top of the war and other things he's seen in the past weeks. I couldn't imagine going though this or even making it as far as he did not seeing my family for days I wouldn't even make it this far. This is a very overwhelming time for him but he's being strong and making it though .
Millord,
ReplyDeleteWork on being more specific within your language, replacing "This" and "That"...type language with what the this and that are.
For instance, the writing is clearer when you re-define what Beah's struggle is -- what is the "This ha(s) to be the hardest thing..."? Re-define the quote, because that is what you are talking about. Put it the "this" in your own words.
For example, here is how I might re-write:
"Beah's separation from his family, and not knowing if he'd see them again must be the hardest thing for him, on top of being in the middle of the war and seeing the things he saw."
You are writing around the topic, leaving out context, rather than actually connecting your brilliant point to the text. What is overwhelming; why can't you imagine going through what he's going through; what is he going through? What is that you see happening to him?
I know you know, but write as if your audience has very little clue about what is happening to Beah.
Grade: 10/10 (good ideas can be pulled from the post)